So, I was having this conversation with my girlfriend(she know’s who she is…) and we were contemplating the whole dating thing(for me, since she is married :)) There comes a time when you get past the dating just for fun and being frivolous and careless and instead actually look forward to having stimulating conversations with our dates.
I guess it’s called maturity?? Speaking from a female pont of view..by the time we get here, I will admit, we are a little jaded and slightly scarred(for lack of better words). We’ve been fooled by the bad guys telling us how pretty we are and we have even given the good guys a chance and they’ve burnt us too. We have had great first dates and had no clue why there was never a second. We’ve had broken hearts, lonely nights and lots of tears.
So, we get to a point, where we go into dates thinking that we need to test men and see what his true intentions are. Do they have tenacity, integrity..and are they looking to simply add notches on their belts. We let them pay because we are a bit old fashioned and like the man taking the lead and sometimes feel that if we payed or we offered, it would take a little bit of the romance away… we want to feel courted. I don’t think that idea has ever changed.
But it’s come to my attention, that men may see this completely different or do they? I was speaking with a male friend of mine and he shared the fact that he feels that woman use him for dates..and then move on and proceed to do this to other men with no real intentions of pursuing something genuine. But how can you know what someones true intentions are unless you come right out and ask them? But is that too intense of a conversation to have on the first date…or even second? From my own experience, I know that there are men who have certain expectations once they spend some money on you…it’s pretty ludicrous to think that, but it’s true.
So how do we work around this?? A message to the men: to quote my GBFF…”I dont care if he takes you to McDonalds…but if a man is courting you…he should in fact court you and make you feel as such”. (obviously McDonalds is not my choice of dive spots,..lol, but I got his point) The idea is to make that person feel special, wanted, needed. I think a truly genuine person will accept your gesture and see your true intentions and if he/she doesn’t..than you smile to yourself and move on.
For us ladies,..I think someone who is genuinely intersted in us, will want to make us feel special and he will demonstrate this through his actions. All actions count!!! If he doesn’t make you feel special, than you smile to yourself, and move on too!! Not in a bitter jaded way,…but in a healthy self worth kind of a way 🙂 !! xo
Dedicated to chats with Jillian Sussman, Juhan Cabrera.