The holidays have always been super challenging for me. While my normally positive disposition wanted to be happy and enjoy the excitement, this time of year usually brought up a lot of memories. Sometimes these memories were good and well, sometimes they were not so good.
In our lifetime, we share so many moments with different people at different points in our lives. When I was younger, the thought that I would loose touch with someone that I loved or was super close with literally broke my heart and I just didn’t think it was possible. Thus, it has happened. I used to ponder, miss them, be sad about it but then one day I saw the movie, Eat Pray Love and I heard this quote and it has stayed with me and offered lots of comfort. If you have experienced this type of emotion as well, then I recommend you watch this movie. Here is the quote and to explain the context, someone is explaining to the main character how she should move past a person she loved and missed 🙂“Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. “But I love him.” “So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”
How do you find peace, in a family of chaos?
A lot of my sadness came from not having a significant other to share it with, but a significant amount of it came from within my own family. I love my family very much, but I grew up in a family that was rarely at peace during the holidays. I craved that loving environment that some of my friends talked about or what I had seen on TV. There were years when I absolutely dreaded the end of the year because there I was alone in the same scenario reliving the same memories. Gosh that sounds dreadful!!, but it’s true.
“Just as the manure in your garden can enrich your plant, so, can the adversities of our lives make us wiser” -Ajahn Brahm
Getting through it was not easy but slowly and surely, I sought wisdom. I read books, went to lectures, began mediating and emmersed myself in things that made me happy. For me, that was art and photography, for you it can be something else. As long as the happiness it brings you is an awakening of something inside you, it will help you grow. I tried to stay away from superficial things and distanced myself from superficial characters in my life. Getting better takes courage and determination.
When life hands you lemons…or shit, you need to learn to find its meaning and transform it! Because what is the alternative.
I can’t tell you that I understood the chaos in my life when it was happening, but as i grew more in tune with myself, and developed more compassion, some things I understood and other things, I was able to let go because they did not matter. I embraced the adversities that happened in my life, tried to understand them, accepted them, did not judge them and slowly they dispersed. It’s really quite amazing, once I acknowledged them, accepted it as part of my growth, these things no longer kept me up at night. They no longer made me sad on long train rides, holding my gaze out the window thinking and staring at absolutely nothing.
You can’t change the world but you can change yourself…and the best part is, when you do, you have an affect on people. You may not see it at first, but have faith that the little peace you bring into a situation is bigger than you realize. After all, the true and most satisfying measure of ones life is in it’s ability to touch another’s. Once you are in a better place, you are in a better position to support your family, your friends and anyone else you come into contact with.
This year was a blessing. It will be the first Christmas, B and I will celebrate together in our own home. It took many years for me to get here and I am super grateful I was ready to receive this beautiful blessing. The photos above are of our trip to the Christmas Tree Farm 🙂 It was an amazing experience!