The other day, while I lay down on my comfy bed, as it does on most nights, my mind began to wander. Sometimes the wandering is not a good wander, a consequence of perhaps eating too late, too heavy or indulging on too much wine. But, sometimes my mind is still and in these still moments, I get a bit of clarity that I didn’t realize I needed.
Personally for me, my life has changed a lot in the last 6 months. Less then a year ago, I was still signing single on applications and was completely independent, selfish, frivolous and working a super intense New York City job. There are and will always be some aspects of that, that I will love, but there are certainly many aspects of that, that I do not miss.
Saying good bye to your single life is kind of a tricky thing when you are older,..in a sense this is something you have kind of looked forward to your whole life, yet when it comes, it requires you to change and compromise and that is something your independent, selfish, single for most of your life persona, resists and can find very offensive.
I believe it’s during this time of change, that it’s super important to have those moments of peace and stillness because that is when you can receive the most clarity. I think everyone has fears that culminated from a prior experience and those experiences come to haunt you when there is a chance for you to finally be happy.
Going back to my moment of clarity the other night… I had sort of a foggy memory of a scenario with someone I cared for deeply many years ago. I remember being in a park and waiting.. feeling uncertain as to whether he would return to meet me. I remember thinking how awful it would be if he abandoned me, if he didn’t return.
It’s so interesting how something like this can have an emotional affect on you, years later. Then all of a sudden, it made sense. My subconscious is trying to tell me something. If I don’t trust and believe that I deserve what is in front of me, who will? Developing healthy and loving feelings about ourselves is so important to succeed in life.
We protect ourselves, put guards up, create walls and barriers because we don’t want to get hurt. It’s a way of protecting ourselves but it’s also self sabotage. So, find those moments of peace, so that you can get clarity to help you appreciate, enjoy and honor what is around you. I am the happiest I have ever been and that little bit of clarity is what I needed to remind me of that. 🙂
Images above are of my mini photo shoot for my “Thank You” note cards.