Today, similar to the last two weeks, it was really hard waking up because once I am awake, I must face my thoughts, my fears, my challenges and my anxiety of the unknown. Yet, every night before I fall asleep, I contemplate a list of things in my head that I know I should be doing to improve my mindfulness. I have this mental list because I’ve been here before and I’ve managed to get myself out but my demons have a way of tricking me into thinking that hopelessness is the easy way and that fighting is just too much work.
I have successfully climbed over to the other side of hopeless and it feels really good. Conveniently, my demons manage to hide those good feelings from me but my mind tells me today can be better and I believe it. I tell myself, today, you will begin doing those things again because that is what you need to do to keep yourself on the path of peace, the path of happy, the path of content.
Many days, like you, I lose this battle and I give in to the demons that want to keep me miserable, sad, hopeless. But today, I was triumphant. Today I fought through it and under my breath while taking my downward dog, I whispered to myself, “Not today demons, not today”.
We are all faced with situations or scenarios that sort of remind us of something we may have wanted or dreamed about and perhaps let go or didn’t pursue hard enough. Sometimes, we really can’t control it but then…sometimes we can.
I don’t want what’s for her, I don’t want what’s for him, I want what’s for me.
And the only way you can find what is for you, is if you work hard for it, work through the obstacles and then work past the suffering and setbacks. You have got to dig deep inside and learn who you are, why you are, what makes you tick and what makes you power down.
“A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.” -Lionel Shriver.
The problem with coveting the dreams of others is precisely that….they are the dreams of others. Someone else’s dreams will never satisfy you deep down. Being blinded by what society feeds you as important, will also never satisfy you deep down.
“The thought of being whoever I want is a terrifying thing, because I have only ever been who everyone has wanted me to be.” – Dianna Hardy
The only way to really find that intrinsic happiness is to be true to yourself, find what you need to be happy and go after it without worrying what others might think. It may take your whole life but at least you will live your life fighting for something that really matters to you…something that makes you grow inside a little bit each day. xo
Pictures above were taken at the John Gilbert Trail on St.Simons Island. Still working from a group of selfies I shot with a new tripod I was trying out. Getting creative and trying new things!!