The other day as I was editing pictures, and I popped open the news tab and quickly glanced an article about a celebrity couple breaking up and how the woman was hanging on by a string, wishing and hoping that something would change and her fairy tale would continue or begin for that matter. I felt particularly sad for this woman because I remember being in Bloomingdale’s one day in NY with my friend and we bumped into this celebrity at the makeup counter. She was on a popular show at the time and my friend and I were committed watchers and so, we tried to squeeze juicy information from her. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, but I did get a feel for her kindness and genuine sweet nature. So, I guess in a sense, I felt a bit more compassionate to her struggle when I read about her story.
Relationships are so hard and I certainly had my fair share of them, many of which I suffered through because I was trying to deny what I needed just to have someone in that slot. I think many of us become infatuated with an idea we get early on. In our minds, we convince ourselves that this is who we are and what we need to be happy, to be successful, to fit in, to be cool. Perhaps it’s a feeling that was ingrained in us from childhood that we are trying to vindicate as adults. Some of us chase this for many years; I certainly did. It’s like we are chasing the needs of someone else and then wonder why we can never find the source of our intrinsic happiness.
The truth is, I wish I would have been more confident in who I was when I was younger and not felt like it wasn’t good enough or that it wasn’t cool enough. I wish that I would have embraced every quirk, every unpopular hobby, every romantic story, movie, song, poem, etc..that moved me. I wish that I didn’t care what anybody thought and that I had chased my own intrinsic happiness.
“When you want to hold on the most, that is the precise moment you most need to let go.”
I read this quote in a book a long time ago when I was having relationship issues(which was always). I really wish I knew which book, because it’s a quote that has guided me through a lot of difficult moments. Placing the source of your happiness on anything outside of yourself is never a good thing. Needing something, someone, or someones approval, so bad that if it is taken away from you, it literally destroys your days and nights, is never going to get you to a healthy relationship.
I don’t know if this particular celebrity chased the dreams and desires of her perceived persona and now finds herself with someone who probably could never have given her what she needed. However, reading her story, did bring me back to those moments when I was holding on to someone or something that was just not right in so many ways.
As Maya Angelou said, “now that I know better, I do better.” Figure out what really makes you happy, what makes your heart sing, what makes it beat faster. I can only describe it as an elation. I feel this when I am taking photographs, when I am at the beach looking out into the ocean or in nature in general. I also feel it when I am spending time with Brian and we are biking through nature because I am getting what I need. I think to myself, gosh, there is just no place I would rather be. And coming from a mind that was constantly seeking a source of happiness…that is just a wonderful feeling that I never thought I would have. *feeling grateful*
Images above were taken by me with my trusty tripod in the John Gilbert Nature Trail in St.Simons Island. The look of these images was created in photoshop.