Tag Archives: Self Help

An act of kindness enriches you and me.

Not much frustrates me these days, but I have noticed in the past few months that a few scenarios have brought me a bit of unease.  It has taken me until now to truly examine what it is about this situation that was bugging me.VanillaCloudsPhotography

Very often, many of us are raised to be quite proud, but what is the real drive behind you being so proud.  Do you refuse acts of kindness? Do you refuse simple help from others? Do you shun or immediately dismiss advice or comments from others without even listening?

One day, I offered a very nice and kind friend a relief from her everyday life. I offered to spend a very tiny amount of money so that she could participate in something with me that I thought would help or at the very least provide some laughter.  She immediately refused but after my insisting, she gave in, only to cancel on me at the very last minute.   I was slightly frustrated but more so disappointed.VanillaCloudsPhotography

You see, when we offer to do nice things, it’s actually an escape from our own selfishness.  My doing a nice things allows me to work on my karma by doing something selfless and kind for someone else.  When I see an opportunity to do something nice for someone in need, it fills me with a very priceless joy.  This is a joy that no one can take from me because it’s a feeling and not an object.  Once we re-condition our minds to understand that how we interact with others is the real gift and blessing to them, we improve our relationships all around us.VanillaCloudsPhotography

The other question here is, why won’t you allow someone to do something nice for you.  Does this make you feel like you have failed in being self sufficient? Why is it so important for you to do it all?  Do you then feel indebted to someone if they do something nice for you?  Are you focused too much on the ego?  All of these are stories and labels that you have conditioned yourself to believe.VanillaCloudsPhotography

A little self reflection told me that at one point in my life, I was also too proud and refused kindness, advice and help.  For many of the reasons I mentioned above. How foolish!!  I didn’t know it all then and I certainly don’t know it all now.  We can always learn from other wise souls and it behooves us to be sponges to those who have learned their lessons a bit quicker than we have.  I also feel that  many times we are so wrapped up in proving who we think we are or want to be, that we mistake kindness for competition or giving in to the act of kindness as a sign of defeat.VanillaCloudsPhotography

From now on, let’s accept an act of kindness as exactly that, “an act of kindness”.  Let’s not look too much into it and instead, allow it to inspire us to also do kind things for others.  Re-condition yourself to acknowledge that giving someone a good memory or feeling is far more valuable than a physical object.  And once you really connect with this idea, you will begin to feel the goodness flow through you when you do something nice for someone.  You will really understand the value of it.VanillaCloudsPhotography

So, next time someone offers to do something kind for you, do something kind for them, and please accept it, it could really help their karma. xo

Photoshoot with the sweet children of Bethany Preston. Shot at Gould’s Inlet, SSI, GA

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Honoring our personal gifts….

Ever thought to yourself, why would anyone work at a cancer clinic and face the inevitable imagined daily sadness one must feel knowing some relationships we build will eventually end at least in the physical form.Vanilla Clouds

Ever thought how someone could work with mentally handicapped children.  Caring for their simple needs as well as their not so simple needs all the while treating them as though they were completely capable.  How hard it is to disguise the sadness in your eyes.  I for sure am not good at this but I recognize the strength in those that are.Vanilla Clouds

Ever wondered how hard it is to be a drug counselor or therapist.  To always find the fine line between support and enabling.  The patience it must take to constantly remain neutral when someone slips and falls off the wagon, as they say.  To practice non judgement and to continue to deliver a strong methodology as well as show empathy. To keep yourself afloat when at times, the stress of their problems overwhelms you and challenges your own personal discipline.

Even the simple task as being a good and supportive friend is no easy job.  To put your own thoughts and needs aside and allow someone else’s world to be your own, even for just a minute, is not easy.Vanilla Clouds

People who are really good at these roles understand that you need to be able to put yourself in their shoes and hone the ability to see yourself, the way they would and need to see you so that you can identify how you can help them.  Complex… It’s a big challenge and certainly an unselfish challenge.  To understand what a cancer patient, an addict, a depressed person needs to see in order to grasp even a little hope in your eyes requires a strong human and emotional connection.  It’s quite a beautiful ability.  Seeing yourself  in their shoes, is also an opportunity for you to be humbled and perhaps appreciate the blessings in your own life.Vanilla Clouds

Many many times,  when I was less wise…I often thought to myself ….why would anyone choose to do such a hopeless, and at times, unbearably sad job.  Then I read an article one day which put into words what we all probably already know.  We all have gifts and those who take on these hard jobs, do those jobs, because they can. It is a gift to be able to walk the fine line between detachment and empathy/compassion and if this is your gift, it behooves you to share it.  It doesn’t mean that you are indestructible, for all of us need to feed our souls and refuel, it is part of honoring ourselves and our gifts. xo

Images above are of a shoot I did with Chibuzoa Aguocha and she is modeling some of my jewelry 🙂 visit my shop section to see the latest jewels I’ve made xo

 

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Getting through the chaos that is the holidays….

The holidays have always been super challenging for me.  While my normally positive disposition wanted to be happy and enjoy the excitement, this time of year usually brought up a lot of memories. Sometimes these memories were good and well, sometimes they were not so good.20141129_123655

It’s this time of year that we also think of old friends that we don’t speak with anymore and wonder where they are and hope that they are doing ok.VanillaClouds

In our lifetime, we share so many moments with different people at different points in our lives.  When I was younger, the thought that I would loose touch with someone that I loved or was super close with literally broke my heart and I just didn’t think it was possible.  Thus, it has happened.  I used to ponder, miss them, be sad about it but then one day I saw the movie, Eat Pray Love and I heard this quote and it has stayed with me and offered lots of comfort. If you have experienced this type of emotion as well, then I recommend you watch this movie.  Here is the quote and to explain the context, someone is explaining to the main character how she should move past a person she loved and missed 🙂

“Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. “But I love him.”  “So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”

and that is what I do now.  I silently wish them light and love..and I move on.  It’s worked for me and I hope it can work for you.VanillaClouds

How do you find peace, in a family of chaos?

A lot of my sadness came from  not having a significant other to share it with, but a significant amount of it came from within my own family.  I love my family very much, but I grew up in a family that was rarely at peace during the holidays.  I craved that loving environment that some of my friends talked about or what I had seen on TV.  There were years when I absolutely dreaded the end of the year because there I was alone in the same scenario reliving the same memories.  Gosh that sounds dreadful!!, but it’s true.

I finally got to the bottom of my well of despair and I literally got sick of feeling sad and hopeless.  I knew that I needed to change my mindset or I would never feel happy or find peace inside.VanillaClouds

“Just as the manure in your garden can enrich your plant, so, can the adversities of our lives make us wiser” -Ajahn Brahm

Getting through it was not easy but slowly and surely, I sought wisdom.  I read books, went to lectures, began mediating and emmersed myself in things that made me happy. For me, that was art and photography, for you it can be something else.  As long as the happiness it brings you is an awakening of something inside you, it will help you grow.  I tried to stay away from superficial things and distanced myself from superficial characters in my life.  Getting better takes courage and determination.VanillaClouds

When life hands you lemons…or shit, you need to learn to find its meaning and transform it! Because what is the alternative.

I can’t tell you that I understood the chaos in my life when it was happening, but as i grew more in tune with myself, and developed more compassion, some things I understood and other things, I was able to let go because they did not matter.  I embraced the adversities that happened in my life, tried to understand them, accepted them, did not judge them and slowly they dispersed.  It’s really quite amazing, once I acknowledged them, accepted it as part of my growth, these things no longer kept me up at night.  They no longer made me sad on long train rides, holding my gaze out the window thinking and staring at absolutely nothing.20141129_124245

You can’t change the world but you can change yourself…and the best part is, when you do, you have an affect on people.  You may not see it at first, but have faith that the little peace you bring into a situation is bigger than you realize.  After all, the true and most satisfying measure of ones life is in it’s ability to touch another’s.  Once you are in a better place, you are in a better position to support your family, your friends and anyone else you come into contact with.Vanilla Clouds

I hope this holiday beings you lots of blessings, I hope you find strength and courage to seek what you need to grow into a better human being inside and out. xoVanilla Clouds

This year was a blessing. It will be the first Christmas, B and  I will celebrate together in our own home.  It took many years for me to get here and I am super grateful I was ready to receive this beautiful blessing.  The photos above are of our trip to the Christmas Tree Farm 🙂 It was an amazing experience!

 

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