I Cried this Morning at Yoga.

For many of us, yoga was something hippies do. It was a strange practice we knew nothing about but as ignorance always does, we created this story in our head without understanding what it was.  We decided it was weird. We didn’t bother to learn about it.

The day I found out my father was sick, all my years of practicing Buddhist philosophy and yoga certainly helped prepare me.  I had an understanding that life is about impermanence and that we are all a development of our choices.  That we are on our own paths, that we can inspire but not motivate.  That we can and should always lead by example, make decisions with the heart but also not be foolish.

What it didn’t prepare me for is the sadness I would feel for those who didn’t see life that way….who never gained the wisdom to understand that the very thing they used to escape, is what kept them trapped and suffering. In Buddhism, is it called Samsara, the circle of life.  We in a sense trap ourselves by continuing to make the same mistakes that keep us miserable.

My dad, similar to many folks of his generation, used alcohol to escape discomfort, confrontation and emotion.  He protected his heart fiercely from pain and of course beauty.  For you can never have one without the other.  Our parents are supposed to be the wise ones. They are supposed to be the ones who teach us how to overcome, self worth, to believe in your ability to contribute to the world and how to manage life’s very hard obstacles…. but what happens when you keep growing and they don’t?

One morning I woke up and felt absolutely awful.  The air was thick, my head was pounding and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  I had two choices…I could lay in bed all day and allow the sadness to swallow me.  I could give in to the pull to drench my spirit and as a result, drench my husbands spirit and anyone around me.  Or I could get up, take a hot shower and make an effort.  I could go to yoga and try my best to release.  I could sincerely try to receive the spirit of yoga which is really about letting go. Letting go of what you cannot change, but also believing in the power of compassion.

And so, that morning for the first time, I really used yoga to my advantage. I closed my eyes when it was safe and allowed the tears to fall down my cheeks.  I know what you’re thinking, how sad, but I can tell you, that it felt the exact opposite way.  With every movement and every exhale,  I let go of the need to save my father. For weeks, it felt like I was a dam holding a ton of water and suddenly, I was able to just lift the dam and the dam was me.   All that pressure, the elephant that had been sitting on my chest for a few weeks, got up and walk away.  The air thinned a bit and I felt a slight sense of relief. Enough relief for me to know that I had made some progress.

After that day, I immersed myself in prayer, meditation and spiritual practice for weeks.  During his last 2 weeks, I spent every morning with my father…present, crying when I needed to and accepting that this is part of life.  When he left us, I prayed that he had made peace with his shortcomings for most of us have some guilt we carry that serves us no purpose.

Yoga gives us permission to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings. It gives us an opportunity to pause, and give our minds a break from chaos.  Yoga made me cry that morning and has since made me cry a few more times and every time it has happened, a huge amount of pressure is lifted from my shoulders and I walk just a little bit lighter that day.

Wishing you peace to your heart. xo

 

Share

The joys that having your own “thing” can bring you.

A few weekends ago, while bonding with my good girlfriend from New York, we talked about how it was important to have your own “thing“. I have always had a thing, or many things, however, my friend hasn’t had a thing in many years, in fact, I am not sure she has ever had a thing.  While always very studious, dedicated and a big participator in lots of activities, none of them ever really encouraged her to have a thing.

Vanilla Clouds Rose Quartz BraceletsVanilla Clouds Perhaps there was a rock that was left unturned that when flipped upright could uncover a hidden joy that filled a void she never knew existed.

Once she married and had a child, that took up most of her time.  But now that her daughter was in school and becoming increasingly independent, my friend began to feel like something was missing in her life and that it might finally be the right time to find her own“thing”.  Something that she could do on her very own.  Something she could develop an excitement for on her terms.  Something that could allow her to relax, to be at peace, to think, to reminisce, to do whatever she pleased.HempBeadImage 3
I recently checked in with my buddy to see if she had done any more research into the “thing” idea, she responded, “negative” but it was certainly on her mind.

What I have noticed is that not having a “thing” isn’t something you realize until someone points it out to you or it comes up in conversation as it did for us.  It’s amazing how many people just mull through life without ever searching for a hobby or some sort of pass time that would bring them simple joy or help relieve some stress.Vanilla Clouds Aqua Bracelts

Vanilla Clouds Bead BraceletsHave you ever witnessed someone find joy in an activity and as a result it inspired the question within you…  “What is my thing”?

Vanilla Clouds Bracelets“Lets get a little crazy here” – Bob Ross

Personally, I have had many things, borderline too many, haha.  But I can tell you this, I am never bored.  My ideas have ideas and sometimes they keep me up at night.  I haven’t figured out if this is a good problem to have yet?

I am very visual and usually enjoy anything I can put together with my hands.  I’m a girly girl, so, of course, jewelry is lots of fun for me.  I also love fashion and creative photography and always have!  The above shots are images I took of my latest jewelry pieces.  I use a combination of Hemp, Glass Beads, Wooden Beads, Crystals, Gems and plated findings.

My Hemp Glass and Gem Bead Chokers are available on Etsy in my Vanilla Clouds Shop and I will also be selling at a local yoga studio here on St. Simons Island called Infuse Yoga!  It’s very exciting 🙂

Model is the beautiful Lauren Prince.

Share