When you stop being able to walk away from something not helping you is when you stop growing. – Ajahn Brahm
The most obvious example of this would be drinking excessively or taking drugs in excess and using these as escapism. No one assumes they will become addicted when they first try it to distract themselves or numb themselves from the pain of life. It’s the kind of thing that creeps up on you and if you’re not wise, will completely bewitch you and wreak havoc on anything and anyone around you.
However, this can also easily apply to an unhappy job situation, unhealthy habits, and unhealthy relationships.
When you are unable to walk away from something that is holding you back, you become trapped in your “cycle of life” or as Buddhists would say, trapped in “samsara“. From my Buddhist studies, I have interpreted that anything that distracts you from your personal progress and path is a delusion. So, the above would be considered delusions. Now, it’s unlikely that my life will ever be clear of delusions entirely 🙂 but I hope to keep it as clear as possible so that I can continue to grow and be a positive influence to others.
Delusions: According to Buddhism, any unpeaceful, uncontrolled state of mind is a delusion. All delusions are unrealistic minds arising from so called “inappropriate attention”, or thinking about things in a false way.
It’s not always obvious when you have fallen into something that stops your growth. I remember being in a relationship many years ago and at first it was very exciting and the relationship was actually bringing out a side of me that I never knew existed. I was showing emotions and feeling this overwhelming love growing every day inside of me. I felt validated that someone loved me and I had a new motivation to get up every day. I completely understood the metaphor “lovesick” because you are nearly sick and up until this point, the only thing that had made me sick was food. ;-/
When the relationship started to fail, I almost felt paralyzed. It’s amazing how something can take a hold of you emotionally and it almost feel as if your legs were strapped into a roller coaster. I know that some people become co-dependent to the ups and downs of that roller coaster, but I was simply hopelessly in love and I clearly loved the other person more than I did myself. I was stuck and allowed this person to continue mistreating me. I stopped growing.
It’s interesting what kind of wisdom and when the wisdom you have learned decides to show itself and just sort of smacks you over the head. It may have always been there, but for some reason, we choose not to search for it.
One day, despite the heartache, it just hit me and I knew this person would not make a good husband, father, role model and at this point, I felt that I was betraying myself because his ethics and morals did not match mine. If I had continued the relationship with this person, it may have not only stopped my growth, but actually made me compromise a lot more of myself and what I believed in.
I am so glad that it clicked for me because despite children and marriage being so far away from that moment, I was still very sensitive to the qualities I needed in a partner. I was also glad to get past that part of my life because that was only the first of many lessons I was to learn and continue to learn. Emotional intelligence is so important. In the most simplest terms, emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions and therefore understanding the emotions of others and the sooner you learn it, the better capable you are to make better decisions for yourself and others. xo
Images above were taken by me. Model is Lauren Price and she is beautifully modelling my new jewels soon to be sold at Infuse Yoga Studio here on St. Simons Island, GA.