The curse of not being good enough….

2014-04-27 11.08.31

You are good enough…this is something I think we all needed to hear as little children but most of us didn’t and so, we are inherently cursed with that uncertainty.  It conveniently creeps up on us every single time we are required to assert ourselves. Sometimes it is a new experience that will require us to be confident or it’s a personal pattern we continue to repeat.   I was listening to a Buddhist meditation lecture the other day, and he focused on this issue and how it holds us back in life.  Here are a few points I grasped from the lecture:

1. You don’t have to have anything to have self esteem.  This is something we see every day, people who seemingly have it all yet they still search for things to make them happy, whether it be superficial things or body and mind altering chemicals.  Self esteem has nothing to do with anything outside of you, it has to do with how you value yourself on the inside.  Although I feel that this is something we should have learned as children,  I do believe it is something we can learn to acquire, once we understand why it is that we don’t feel that we are good enough.

2. When you lack self esteem, you punish yourself.  You will always be held to this ideal, and will never be free unless you change your way of thinking.  Personally for me, it has felt like a glass wall in between me and my goal.  I can’t see the wall, but when I take the steps to grasp what it is I want, I feel a wall smack against my face, which makes it even more humiliating.  I spent many years trying to figure out how to get past that wall.  It wasn’t until I searched deep inside, did I realize that it was my own misguided thoughts that created that glass wall.

3. Often times, the most insecure people are ironically the most judgmental.  The saddest part is that those who are judging you, see you through the same eyes they see themselves.  Now when I feel as though someone is judging me, I stop and reflect for a moment because I know that this judgement is coming from a place of lack in themselves.  “As soon as you judge others, you judge yourself”.  If I put you down for something, I will be equally or twice as hard on myself for the same thing.  Therefore, developing compassion is one of the best ways to begin the process of accepting and loving yourself.  If you can empathize with someone’s hurt and hardships, you can also love yourself for having similar challenges in life, whatever they may be.  Thus making you  a more kinder individual.

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I also learned something I had never considered before.  Aside from the obvious definition of conceit, which is described as having “excessive” pride in oneself. There are other damaging ways of identifying with oneself.

Here is something to consider….

You think you are better than everyone else.  You think you are worse than anyone else. You think you are the same as anyone else.  All of these ways of thinking set the foundation for competition.  You can’t practice acceptance, kindness or empathy if you are too busy worrying what your worth is compared to someone else.

And lastly…  Without contentment, their is no peace.  Make peace with your flaws, what you consider your shortcomings, accept that no one is perfect and train your mind to see the good in people and things..find your contentment, and there you will find your peace. We are all good enough! xo

2014-04-27 11.04.08

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The curse of not being good enough….

  1. Thank you,For your experience and thoughts on this subject.I recently felt a certain way as a result of environmental truama do to a sence of helplessness while being very helpful in solving many problems.So this pending inner feeling caught my attention.So I thought ! What is this intense feeling of helplessness.So I strongly focused on it with intensity.At an instant my mind began to race through every moment of my life that I felt that feeling.Than it happened! I was seeing the world through a little boys eyes.I was so peaceful and calmThere was a clearness that was simply awesome.The little boy was observing great confusion and disaster.The adults were very upset,fighting and hurt.My thoughts were simply.Why do they do these things to each other.Why are they upset.Than the small beautiful being felt that feeling outside of himself and did not like it at all.Over time the feling became a part of me now.I was mowing the lawn and snapped out of it. I was amazed that I remembered the names of all those people.I was amazed that feeling lead me their. Thank you 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing Michael. It really is amazing how these things affect us later in life. Most of us don’t have a clue why we do the things we do, fear the things we fear. It takes a lot of self reflection but when you get there, as you described, it is quite amazing and such a weight lifted off your shoulders. You are no longer a prisoner of those thoughts of that false conditioning. 🙂

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